One, he said, made a tearful and painful disclosure about being molested as a child.īut back again in the real world, Dorantes believes his struggle will continue. “I now have brothers in arms who understand my struggle,” he wrote.ĭorantes, too, found the seminar valuable, and said two men in his group made great progress. Gary called the three-day seminar a “wonderful, eye-opening experience.”Īnother attendee said that coming to the seminar would not have crossed his mind if he were not married. Hank, a retired nuclear engineer in his 70s, wrote of the weekend: “I came depressed, down, and worried about what I would be subjected to. The weekend over, Dorantes is staying in touch with two of the men in his group to support their continued recovery. “The temptation is always there,” Martinkus responded. Not exactly typical dinnertime chat, but Martinkus and the therapists – most recovering sex addicts themselves – have heard it all.ĭuring one of the large-group meetings, a participant asked Martinkus, “What does victory look like?” “Any same-sex issues?” he asked between bites of salad and meatloaf. One man uses his red paint to cover the words “I’m a monster.”ĭuring one point in the conference, Martinkus sat down with the therapists to ask them how their group sessions were going.
They avoided alcohol and were told not to leave the hotel.Ī key moment occurred Saturday night when the men symbolically cleansed themselves of their addictions, covering up things they’d written on a large white poster board when they started the seminar. Men shared rooms in pairs to avoid being tempted to watch porn.
“Sex is not about two bodies,” Jim Phillis, the therapist in charge of Dorantes’ group, tells the men. The father of three grown boys has stood up before his congregation to publicly detail his own struggle with sexual addiction.Īnd he was back disclosing his impulses at the Every Man’s Battle workshop. Mary Kay Cosmetics was holding a conference at the same hotel, and during breaks, the lobby teemed with women.įor four years, Dorantes has been leading a sexual-addiction recovery group at Florence Avenue Foursquare Church in Sante Fe Springs. He also knew enough about his addiction to avoid, like the other men at the workshop, the hotel lobby. And while he didn’t slip during the cruise, and he hasn’t looked at porn or had an affair in five years, he was concerned enough to sign up for the workshop. Through a combination of large teaching sessions and smaller group-counseling meetings, the workshops aim to provide tools to help sex addicts recover.Īs with Alcoholics Anonymous and other 12-step programs, recognizing that there’s a problem is crucial – as is coming clean with spouses.ĭorantes, who owns a lock and safe business, already has come clean.īut last month, on a cruise to Puerto Rico, Dorantes says he felt the familiar urges. Launched in 2001, the Every Man’s Battle workshops aren’t Bible studies. Three minutes into his presentation, a man in the back of the room starts to weep.įorty-seven percent of Christians say that pornography is a problem in the home, according to studies cited by New Life Ministries. Whatever your issue is, it’s OK, he tells them. He hasn’t looked at porn in 7½ years, he tells the men. Since then, his behavior escalated to include online chat rooms and multiple sexual encounters. Martinkus became obsessed with porn as a teenager. Martinkus, at the start of the seminar, declared the larger meeting hall a “No Shame” zone, where men won’t be judged if they speak freely. The attendees in Newport Beach range from stooped-over, older gentlemen to young, muscular guys wearing baseball caps – their hearts filled with guilt and shame. Jason Martinkus, 32, a recovering sex addict and therapist from Colorado, is the key presenter at the seminars, which are held monthly throughout the United States. And most are attending this $1,400 seminar after receiving an ultimatum - clean up your act, or leave. Most participants describe themselves as Christian. More than 50 men from around the country recently attended the three-day workshop, “Every Man’s Battle,” run by New Life Ministries in Laguna Beach.
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“I know this is a winnable victory,” says Bobby Dorantes, who gave the Register permission to use his full name and to be photographed for this story. Miraculously, after 25 years, it hasn’t.Ī therapist leading the small group session listens intently, a look of empathy and understanding on his face. Men gather to battle sex addiction – Orange County Registerįive years ago, his marriage nearly imploded.
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